As we occasionally do, we're paying a visit to Hollywood heaven, where Carole Lombard today is meeting an old friend. No, not the "fellow" above, but the man pictured below: ventriloquist Edgar Bergen, shown with his most famous creation, Charlie McCarthy.
Bergen: What'd you invite me over here for?
Lombard: Did you hear the good news today about your daughter Candice?
Bergen: I know her TV series is coming back--
Lombard: But now we know when! Today, CBS announced the new version of "Murphy Brown" will run at 9:30 -- 8:30 Central.
Bergen: Weird. For most of its initial run, it aired at 9 Mondays.
Lombard: Forgive me. It's not airing Mondays, but at 9:30 Thursdays, following one of my current favorites, "Mom."
Bergen: So you like that show.
Lombard: It's terrific -- Allison Janney can make reading the phone book interesting -- and I adore Anna Faris, one of my comedy heirs. She's just had a hit with a gender-switched remake of "Overboard," first made by another one of my cinematic spiritual brethren, Goldie Hawn.
Bergen: Candy's got a film of her own out this weekend, "Book Club."
Lombard: Good co-stars, too -- Jane Fonda, Diane Keaton, Mary Steenburgen. Hope it does well. Those folks down there need to be reminded there's more to movies than these superhero or "Star Wars" films.
Bergen: Remind the executives as well.
Lombard: And I thought the suits gave us a rough time back in the day!
Bergen: You remember what happened when Mae West was the guest of myself and Charlie.
Lombard: (laughs) The prudes went bananas. Anyway, I'm glad "Mom" will lead into "Murphy" -- the sitcom synergy will boost both shows. Estrogen forever! (pauses) Wish I'd known Candice, but she arrived a few years after I left.
Bergen: You two would've hit it off swimmingly. I used to tell her stories about you. Good stories, of course.
Lombard: I teamed with you and Charlie five times on radio. What a scamp he was!
Bergen: And I understand Candy nearly played you in "Gable And--""
Lombard: Discussing that film, or even mentioning its title, is verboten, as the Germans would say. Nothing against Jill Clayburgh, and Candy might've made a good me, but dear Lord, that script! (pauses) But the time is right for Murphy's return, given all that lunacy in the White House and on Capitol Hill.
Bergen: I hope for her sake it works.
Lombard: Many old series are or have returned -- "Roseanne," for instance. And that 9 Monday slot you thought "Murphy" would get? CBS gave it to a new version of "Magnum P.I."
Bergen: I thought Tom Selleck was on "Blue Bloods."
Lombard: He still is. A new guy is playing his role.
Bergen: Well, thanks for the news.
Lombard: If you care to join Clark and I this fall to watch Candy's show -- I'm told CBS has ordered 13 episodes -- you're more than welcome. And as I've always said to Clark, I've had plenty of leading men who were more wooden than Charlie.
* More on the return of "Murphy": https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2018/05/16/cbs-fall-schedule-2018/614688002/
* A '30s feature on Charlie McCarthy's pining (pun intentional) for Lombard and other stars: https://carole-and-co.livejournal.com/664810.html
* Could Candice have played Carole? Find out at https://carole-and-co.livejournal.com/321033.html.
* Lombard indeed appeared on Bergen and McCarthy's "Chase and Sanborn Hour" five times; unfortunately, only one of the five broadcasts exists, from May 1937: https://www.oldtimeradiodownloads.com/variety/the-chase-and-sanborn-hour/guests-carole-lombard-and-joseph-bentoelli-1937-05-16