A chance meeting in Hollywood heaven...
Carole Lombard: Well, whaddya know -- Connie Bennett!
Constance Bennett: Yes, that's me, all right. And how are you?
Lombard: Okay. (Smiles.) Bet you're surprised I didn't mistake you for Joan.
Bennett: You wouldn't do that now, Carole. Sis is back to being brunette again. Cue all the Hedy Lamarr jokes, including that line from Cole Porter.
Lombard: I could always tell the two of you apart, even when Joan was blonde. Remember, the first picture she appeared in was one I was in, too -- "Power," over at Pathe.
Bennett: Which reminds me -- I hope you'll finally forgive me for getting you fired from that studio, you and that, er...
Lombard: Diane Ellis? (Sighs.) Everyone thinks I had a bad break in '42, but at least I got to live a good part of my dream. She never really got the chance. Anyway, there's no need to apologize. Professionally, things turned out okay fpr me.
Bennett: (Nods.) They certainly did.
Lombard: Some interesting news, if you don't mind me tooting my own horn -- but I just learned that on October 6, Turner Classic Movies in America will honor my birthday by showing seven of my films! Let's see...
Narrator: That's right, Carole -- TCM will indeed be showing seven of your movies that day...it's a Wednesday, for those of you making long-term plans. And the schedule, with all times Eastern, is as follows:
* 9:30 a.m. -- No More Orchids (1932)
* 10:45 a.m. -- Virtue (1932)
* noon -- Lady By Choice (1934)
* 1:30 p.m. -- Fools For Scandal (1938)
* 3 p.m. -- In Name Only (1939)
* 4:45 p.m. -- The Gay Bride (1934)
* 6:15 p.m. -- Twentieth Century (1934)
Now back upstairs for our heavenly discourse.
Lombard: ...and I think that's a pretty good lineup.
Bennett: Oh, I agree, some excellent films -- including four from Columbia. Just how did you get along so well with Harry Cohn?
Lombard: (Chuckles.) Well, let's just say I used a lot of the George Carlin seven in my vocabulary. Showed I could converse at his level.
Bennett: (Smiles.) Is that up or down?
Lombard: Take your pick! Of course, now that his company is headquartered at the old MGM lot in Culver City, he never lets Louis B. hear the end of it.
Bennett: Carole. I don't mean to get in a game of oneupsmanship with you -- I'd have better luck facing you in tennis--
Lombard: Which is to say slim and none!
Bennett: But I just want to inform you that on my birthday, October 22, TCM is giving me a tribute, too...and with nine, count 'em, nine films.
Narrator: And now, TCM's schedule of Connie's films for that day, a Friday:
* 6 a.m. -- Lady With A Past (1932)
* 7:30 a.m. -- Rockabye (1932)
* 8:45 a.m. -- What Price Hollywood? (1932)
* 10:15 a.m. -- Outcast Lady (1934)
* 11:45 a.m. -- Topper (1937)
* 1:30 p.m. -- Topper Takes a Trip (1939)
* 3 p.m. -- Merrily We Live (1938)
* 4:45 p.m. -- The Unsuspected (1947)
* 6:30 p.m. -- It Should Happen To You (1954)
We now return you to that otherworldly talk.
Lombard: Oh, come on -- in that last film, you have a bit part, and in two of the others you're invisible ectoplasm much of the time! You know, if I had been that ghost Marion Kerby, doing a comedy with Cary Grant...
Bennett: And if I had played Irene in "My Man Godfrey," as I might have if Bill Powell hadn't got in the way, instead of that poor man's version, "Merrily We Live"...
Lombard: Fortunately, up here we can find out what might have happened. Let's head over to the Lux Alternate Casting Theater, swap roles, and see the results. Is it a deal?
Bennett: You're on. Let's go! (They begin walking.)
Lombard: Oh, and you'll note I didn't even bring up that I was TCM Star of the Month in October '08, an honor you have yet to achieve...